Sunday, January 18, 2009
Lack of sleep and thereof...
Just woke up around 11:30 AM today. Missed church as well. It was one of those days yesterday I suppose. There are times when out of the blue my thinking kicks in. Its a bad habit that I've tried to avoid but I guess I can't change that overnight. I couldn't sleep a wink until 5 AM. Actually, throughout the whole day yesterday I began thinking as soon as I woke up and fixed some of my papers for some jobs. As always I was asking myself what the hell was I doing. Why am I on this Earth? Why do I do what I do?
The answer came simple. Too simple that I don't know how to proceed. I was re-watching Code Geass R1. An Anime series that had become pending over a year and a half ago. I never continued it because I got pre-occupied with something else. I never thought that an answer would be in one of the episodes. Mao... one of the villans. He was so caught up and infatuated with C.C. that he lost the purpose in his own life. His drive was there but it was the wrong way. In the end he was bested bey Lelouch. He was bested because he was too confident of what he could do. He was bested because he thought that what he knew could protect him forever. And he was bested because while though doing action, he was an optimist at heart. I looked at myself at the mirror and I realized how similar I was to him.
If I do not change. I will destroy myself. I need to let go...
Labels: code geass, thinking
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