Tuesday, March 24, 2009

On the outside

Its not easy being on the other side. The past 4 months have been really tough for me. Just when I thought that it was a good idea to leave the company, I think that decision is coming back to bite me. If not for the apartments I would be in dire straits right now. Still, I'm not whining. Its part of the cycle of life. Ups and downs, lefts and rights ins and outs. I've been retracing my steps, what went wrong, and the usual what ifs. It's too late to think about it but that's the irony of it.

I've also noticed how other people start to treat me. Just because I don't have a job, they're starting to see me as a nuisance when I ask for help. Sigh. Again, the cruel fate of the world. Many people are your friends when they need something from you but when the role is turned around, they see you as a maggot.

So what have I been doing this past week? I finally finished Valkyria Chronicles. It truly is one of the best strategy RPGs ever. An action packed game with deep character development. A rich historical background of an alternate world war 2 Europe and a dramatic heart warming story. Best of all, it's got the style of what "portrait" Anime would look like. The one part that I could never forget was when Welkin and Alicia were in the woods separated from their squad when a lone Imperial enemy soldier walked in on them. He was mortally wounded and delirous. Instead of turning a blind eye, Welkin and Alicia try to nurse him to health but his would is too grave. He is on the virge of death when he calls out for his mother. Alicia assumes that role and gently comforts him as he passes away with a smile. Moments later, the enemy squad closes in on them and finds their departed comrade properly buried. The enemy commander was touched that Welkin and Alicia had done this for his soldier that they postpone their clash and go separate ways. Sigh. I keep watching that scene over and over. It just somehow moves me into tears.

A shoutout to Hid3o for graciously letting me use his internet at his home so I could update my PS3 stuff. If not for him I would have gone insane. I was able to download some new videos from PSN and new game demos like Red Alert 3 and Tom Clancy's Hawx. It looks like I'll be backlogged for a while until I get a job to fuel my gaming needs.

Signing off for now and hopefully I can get to pay my internet bill next week so I can get my service back. As always ceasingly pray.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The new 20.

Been watching a lot of the new Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I didn't like the transition of the late night show since Conan O' Brien left but this new guy is earning my respect a little bit, though the bowling bit seems a little weird.

Anyway, its been a while and I'm still jobless. Two opportunities were wasted when I waited for Smart. Its so cruel that they never called back despite telling me that I was the man for the job and that I would definitely be hired. Turns out they never called back, and my waiting for them has cost me another job. I was also practically hired at Convergys. All I needed to do was sign the official contract papers and I'm good. But no, I had to wait for Smart because the benefits they offered were more tempting. Icy was right, I should have jumped to Convergys when I had the chance. Chalk it up to experience I guess. As for my Dad, I can tell he's getting impatient, he's telling me to skip looking for a job here locally and start shooting for abroad if I ever want to see my dream fulfilled in this lifetime.

My gaming life has been trimmed down as well. With no money, I wasn't able to buy Killzone 2, Street Fighter 4 and Resident Evil 5. Don't get me wrong I still have a couple of finances coming in thru our apartment rentals and my other sidelines but with the economy going wacko all over, saving takes more priority. Sometimes I envy those who just blindly spend without thinking about the consequences. What an easy life it must be. However, I dived in to my old gaming PC library and found nostaliga once again. I spent some hours on Star Trek Starfleet Command 3, a starship simulation game, taking on the Borg and the Romulans either as a Klingon or a Federation ship. I've also started playing a game that I neglected to play way back. It's an old epic stealth game called Theif. It's pure stealth gameplay, stealthier than Metal Gear if I do say so myself. You play as a Master Theif during the medivial era in a mystical Europe. The story is well made and I can say that its one of the most immersive games I've ever played. I've also gone back into playing Valkyria Chronicles on the PS3 and still trying to finish it. I'm still grinding my characters to level 20 so I can get all the skills unlocked and so that I would be able to beat Maximillian on the last chapter. Other than that, form time to time I still get to play a bit of Pangya and Gundam Seed on my brother's PSP.

Finally down to the thinking. In the past few days I was reminded by myself that I was bound to something and that I needed to strive. A person whom I've cared for so much once told me that I should spread my wings and soar. Now is a good time as ever as I try to straighten out and fix my life which is still pretty much disorganized. I'm still hoping and praying for a dream that I only realized this late in my life. Historically, the youth in my generation had dreams as early as their elementary days. I for one, never had a tangible dream. I was more of an optimist who hoped for the best and would take whatever would come in my way. As the past turningpoint occured, I'm still reeling from its effects. I shrouded myself in loneliness but found out that I needed to go and look forward. The past is the past. It happened, it couldn't be helped no matter how much planning and thinking you do. The past is what makes you move forward. Having said that, the past is the only thing I have left as it is the only driving force that makes me move forward.